The night was misty and sleep was not arriving with the usual exhaustion I had grown to expect. It was another day when I was faced with not enough time, too much on my plate and a brain that just didn’t want to rest.
The pang in my heart was repeatedly asking why I didn’t have the right person in my life to share moments like this, too distracting my thoughts and redirecting my brain to, hunting for the missing sock that probably was enjoying coffee with my safe place that I put stuff I don’t want to lose. You know that place that is so safe you forget where it is.
Dreams have often been described by experts as the place where the subconscious speaks through beautiful but odd imagery and horrifies to the point of facing the denials the conscious self is willing to ignore. I had spent the day hearing and seeing the joy of relationships scurrying about me. Then to arriving home and feeling happy for others, with the understanding that I believed that I was in a holding pattern and waiting in line for my turn.
What is truly funny in the not so humorous way I really believed that my happiness was like standing in line for the ladies room at a rock concert. Eventually my turn for a stall would come and I would be relieved from the burden of the search. The problem with that theory is as elementary as coloring in the lines or 2 + 2. While good things come to those who wait you actually have to do something that will create a ripple in the heart.
In my restlessness I decided to watch Skyfall for the umpteenth time and eventually I would drift off to sleep. As I felt my strained mind and uneasy self begin the journey into the slumber land the low hum of the movie playing was starting to float away from my hearing like a ship headed towards the sun setting horizon of vivid plush and magnificent hues of purples and magentas. The melting away feeling was a welcome sensation and the tension in my neck was beginning to ease. The dream state would commence almost immediately.
Little specks of black and white shapes gave way to a spectacular view from the Hancock Building in Chicago. I was watching the sunrise slowly from the distance. The crisp colors of the orangish gold of the sun and lavender that faded into a blue sky was signaling the end of night. As the day was looming with the graciousness of hope and possibilities, I found I was not alone and a beautiful man with a soft voice looked at me. I could feel a single tear slide down my face. He began to speak only to verbalize a wonderful sounding hello.
Before he could continue I held a hand up and said “please just stop, I can’t bear to hear another empty promise from someone about giving me the sun, the moon and the stars.”
He looked down and then up and smiled gently. ” My dear anyone who has promised you the sun, moon and stars is a cataclysmic liar.”
Stunned at his bluntness but eased by his gentleness I was confused at how to respond. He reached his hand up and wiped my tear away.
The beautiful man looked into me and chuckled. “How can anyone promise you something you already possess?”
In my nocturnal hallucination, I turned away from him and I felt small tremors surging up my spine for I knew even in my reverie state of being, the truth was steadily coming like the sun rising over the mist from Lake Michigan. I stood paralyzed by fear gazing at the horizon and in the reflection of the glass the beautiful man came close to my ear as he whispered and I flinched with denial. “Your eyes are as warm and golden as the welcoming of the rising sun. Your smile is more luminous as a full moon in the darkest of nights. A single tear on your cheek gives a lustrous brilliance than all the stars in the sky. So my question to you is how can someone possibly promise you something you already have?”
I emerged immediately from my transient state, dazed, startled and the anxiety of the allure needing and wanting to go back there. In dreams everyone and thing is you. This powerful imagery was me giving myself permission to own what I needed to own in myself.
My “Fairy Godmother” was putting me in a place high up to remind me of god’s view and how he can still see the smallest of creatures and the beauty of all of his creations. Further my crazy fairy needed me to hear words I long forgot. Each of us are the sun, the moon and the stars in self and to someone who may need our luminous glowing luster.
If I am to learn anything from this hypnotic dream it is that I matter and I alone control my rising, my setting and my brilliance I just have to own it and choose not to let others take away the parts of me that I cherish most. Which is the love I have, the love I give and the love I receive.